Letting Go
by WithoutLove.LifeIsLike
Summary: Takes off from page 186 of Eclipse when Edward comes back from hunting to find Bella asleep on his couch. What if things went a bit differently after Edward hitched Bella's leg around his hip? EPOV, Lemon.


My hand curved around her elbow, moved slowly down her arm, across her ribs and over her waist, tracing along her hipbone and down her leg around her knee. I paused there, letting my hand curve around her calf. In a desperate moment, I pulled her leg up, hitching it around my hip. I knew she could feel my reaction and I quickly wondered if I was taking this too far. After all, it hadn't been my plan to seduce her by any means – simply to help her understand the benefits of a bed for our relationship. Was it wrong to continue teasing her? I realized that she had stopped breathing and I kissed her neck softly.

"Not to bring on the ire prematurely, but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?" Deciding I could take this at least a bit further, I rolled over to onto my side, ending up with Bella on top of me. I took her beautiful face in my hands and kissed her throat once more. "The bed? I think it's nice."

"It's unnecessary," she gasped, trying to catch her breath. To dispute her point, I brought her lips to mine, kissing them sweetly, before rolling over again so that I was atop her.

"That's debatable," I disagreed. "This would be difficult on a couch."

"Did you change your mind?

And that was the question of the hour. Did I, in my time away from Bella, change my mind about my rules regarding my physical relationship with her? I wanted to tell her to stop being ridiculous. To not get carried away. But the words wouldn't come out. "Edward?" She prompted.

"I… want to," I whispered, my face inches away from hers.

"What?" Her eyes widened. She had not expected this from me.

"I want to change my mind," I clarified. "I want to… but I'm scared." Her heart began to beat faster and she seemed to have trouble finding words. "Breathe, Bella. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with," I told her.

"No! I mean – I want to also. You just caught me off guard," she told me, a beautiful blush finding her cheeks.

"Bella. If we do this... We have to go extremely slow. If I find myself losing control, we have to stop immediately," I began. She nodded eagerly as I continued. "You must tell me at once if I hurt you. If I hold you too tight—"

"You won't," she shook her head at me.  
"But if I do… you must tell me."

"I will. I promise." I nodded slowly and inched closer to her, kissing her lips sweetly. We continued these actions for a few minute before I realized how completely unsure I was in this situation. Resorting back to previous advice that had been given to me – intentionally and not – by my brothers, I allowed my hand to slowly stroke down from my sweet Bella's face to her shoulder, then down her arm, and finally to the curve above her hip. I rested my hand there for a few moments before slowly inching it up, stopping directly below her breasts. Her breath hitched and I pulled my lips away from her neck in order to look into her eyes.

"Bella?"

"Please, Edward," she answered my unspoken question, urging me to touch her. We kept our eye contact as my hand grazed her shirt-covered breast. I cupped it lightly and drew in a breath. Already this was overwhelming and I wondered if I could continue. I rested my forehead on hers and took a moment to compose myself before softly massaging her as I put my lips back on hers. "Mmmm," she moaned quietly. My eyes shot open at the sound and I was determined to hear it again. I mimicked my previous actions and was not disappointed. It was certain – I loved giving Bella a reason to make that glorious sound.

"You feel so much better than I ever could have imagined," I whispered in my love's ear.

"Really feel me, Edward," she begged. It took me a moment to realize what she was asking. I slowly nodded before bringing my hands to the bottom hem of her sleep shirt, slowly raising it over her head. She wasn't wearing anything underneath and I couldn't help but stare at the two perfect mounds in front of me. I could both feel and smell her blush.

"Beautiful," I told her leaning down to brush my nose on the soft skin of her right breast. I took a deep breath and enjoyed the mixed scent of her blood and her lust. I carefully kissed my way to her nipple, wishing I could take it in my mouth. Oh! – the things I would do for her if I were human – or she an immortal. I quickly shook the idea from my head, not wanting to deal with my conflicting emotions on the issue at that moment. She pulled me back up to her and I kissed her softly while my hands explored her bare skin.

"I want to feel you, too," she told me quietly, her hands already pulling my shirt off. I allowed her to do so without argument.

"Tell me if you get too cold," I pleaded, worried about so much more than just my bloodlust right now. I carefully lowered myself so our naked torsos were touching and we both moaned quietly.

"Edward?" She asked, running her nails up and down my chest and around my pectorals.

"Yes?" I hummed, enjoying her touch.

"Are you okay?" I opened my eyes and looked into hers. Her words were so sincere, so perfectly _Bella_ that if I could shed tears, I would have at that moment.

"Yes, I am. Thank you," I nodded before kissing her lips softly. "Are you?"

"Yes. More than okay."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you. So much," she gave me a small smile.

"So much," I repeated softly. We continued kissing and as we did I weighed my options. On one hand, we had already gone a great deal farther than any time before tonight. Was there really a reason to keep going? On the other hand, I was so completely in control of all parts of myself that I was afraid if we stopped now I would never get it back. Most of all, though, I didn't want to stop. I slowly lowered my hand to the waistline of her pajama pants, rubbing her hip softly. "Bella?" I whispered in her ear.

"Mmm?"

"Would it be alright with you if I…?" I demonstrated what I was asking by untying the drawstring on the pants. She took a moment before nodding enthusiastically.

"Yes. Anything, Edward. Anything," she told me honestly. I realized the implications of her words. She was willing to go as far as I was tonight without question. But how far was I willing to go?

I prepared myself for the scent that I knew would overwhelm me the moment her pajamas came off. When I finally inhaled, it was wonderful. The air smelled and tasted like Bella – in every sense. I was looking at her face when I removed the clothing, but I slowly let my gaze go downward. I smiled at her blue cotton polka-dotted panties – more adorable than anything I had ever seen her wear.

"These too?" I asked, suddenly wondering if we were going to far too fast.

"Anything," she said again. "But I want to take yours off, too," she added with an uncharacteristic smirk. I chuckled at her and obliged, removing my jeans before ridding her of her underwear. The only thing keeping us apart was the cotton of my boxers.

"Bella…"

"Yes?"

"I know you think I'm good at everything…"

"Because you are."

"But I don't know if I'm good at this. I don't know… I mean…"

"Here," she whispered, leading my hand down to where exactly she wanted me to touch her. As soon as my fingers connected with that little bundle of nerves, I began to recall all those anatomy classes I had taken in medical school. The clitoris – of course.

"Tell me if this feels good," I requested of her softly, experimenting with my hand movements. I had never felt more seventeen than I did in this moment. Her eyes fluttered closed and she smiled and nodded.

"This feels good," she assured me. I continued to touch different spots and stroke at different pressures, making note of what made her heart race, her body tremble, or her throat moan. I decided to take the advice that my brothers had given to me, and I inserted one finger in her just like they told me to while continuing to rub her with my thumb. She seemed to enjoy this immensely and I added another finger, careful not to get ahead of myself and push too hard. If I could make her tremble like this not knowing what I was doing, I'd love to see what would happen had I paid attention to all those thoughts I'd been exposed to throughout my multiple high school careers. I was finding it easier to concentrate on what I was doing than I thought it would be. It had been a while since I lusted for Bella's blood the way I did her body, but I was still unsure going into this if I would be able to control all my natural urges – sexual and not. Her breaths became more frequent and held a desperate edge to them before I felt her contract around my fingers. I had just given Bella an orgasm. Her breaths began to regulate and I slowly retracted my fingers from inside her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her softly, using my clean hand to wipe a bead of sweat from her forehead.

"So okay," she mumbled, her eyes still closed. I said nothing, basking in the success of my accomplishment. I had just – safely – given Bella sexual pleasure. I stared at her wide-eyed in awe as she opened her eyes.

"I just did that," I smiled widely at her.

"You did," she smiled back as I kissed her across her collarbone and up her neck to her sweet lips.

"I want to do it again," I admitted, stroking her right breast with the hand that was just moments ago inside her.

"No," she shook her head. My initial reaction was panic – did I hurt her and not realize? My second reaction was also panic – did I not give her as much pleasure as I had thought? I looked at her expectantly, expertly keeping my expression neutral. She must have seen right through it because she smiled and shook her head again before speaking. "It's my turn," she explained, pushing me slightly. I allowed her to position me lying back on the bed and couldn't help myself as I kissed her lips when she lay comfortably across me.

We both grinned into the kiss and I felt her hot little hand travel down my chest to the waistband of my boxers – the only item of clothing left on either of us. I took her curious hand in my own and kissed her as deeply as was safe. Interlocking our fingers, I pulled away an inch and looked deep into my Bella's eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked, stroking my cheek lightly with our intertwined hands.

"I'm scared," I admitted quietly. "It's one thing when I'm in control… but… if you are…"

"I trust you," she told me honestly before kissing my neck softly.

"It may not come down to that. I don't know what to expect Bella…"

"If it gets to be too much then tell me. I'll stop."

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly and allowed her to remove my underwear. I watched her carefully as she observed my fully naked self. While I wasn't uncomfortable under her gaze, I was anxious for her approval.

"You're beautiful," she whispered, leaning in to kiss me. I felt her hand slowly make its way down my torso before it stopped at my hip. "I'm going to touch you now," she warned into my lips. I nodded and closed my eyes, awaiting the sensation that I had denied myself for over a hundred years. It was better than I ever could have imagined. Her hands were warm and soft and I knew right away that I wouldn't last long.

"Oh!" A moan escaped my lips.

"Is this okay?" She asked shyly. I suddenly remembered that I was not the only nervous virgin in the room. Bella, too, was inexperienced in this area. The knowledge that we were exploring these desires for the first time together gave me a sense of pride that nothing else had previously.

"It feels so good, love," I promised. "So good…" I willed my hands to remain at my side – attached to the bed sheets – until this proclamation of love was over. I would _not_ hurt Bella during these acts. I was so focused on keeping Bella safe that I barely even registered when her lips left mine only to form a trail down my neck to my chest. I was grateful for the chance to breath deeply the unnecessary air that surrounded me. It tasted like sex and knowing that I made Bella feel this way made me feel… alive. It was at that moment that I realized what Bella was about to do. I had a mere second of warning before she began kissing my penis from the tip down to the base. I sucked in another needless breath and opened my eyes to look down at the angel who was making me feel this wonderful.

"Is this still alright?" She asked me innocently, looking into my eyes for an honest reaction.

"Yes," I nodded, though I wasn't quite sure. I heard the bed sheet rip slightly as I tightened my grip in preparation for the feeling that was about to occur.

No textbook, brotherly advice, or human memory could prepare me for this moment. When her lips closed around me I was sent flying into another world where it was safe for Bella and I to be together this way and we could continue without stopping forever. The next words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"I want to make love to you, Bella," I exhaled. She took her mouth off of me and looked up.

"Do you not like this?" She asked, worry in her eyes. My wonderful and naïve Bella. Would she ever understand how she makes me feel?

"On the contrary. I like it very much."

"If you… finish… this way… how long do you think…?"

"Not long," I admitted. She smiled shyly and continued her previous actions. I felt the pressure building and was just coherent enough to warn Bella of what was about to happen. "Oh, Bella. I'm going to cum…" Understanding, Bella slowly removed her mouth from me and finished me off using her hand. She smiled at me as she wiggled back up to my level.

"Well?" She asked nervously. I kissed her softly before turning us over so that she was underneath me.

"No one could ever understand how entirely wonderful you make me feel," I told her honestly. She noticed the moment my expression changed.

"What?"

"I wish I could do that for you," I admitted. "But I'm not sure it would be a good idea…"

"It's okay, Edward. I can wait," she assured me.

"One day," I promised, "I will taste you. Until then…" I kissed her lips and trailed mine down her neck and ended in the valley between her breasts. I let my tongue dart out momentarily and taste her salty exterior. She moaned as I dragged my lips across to her nipple, kissing it lightly three times before repeating the same action on the other side. I let my nose skim the surface above her heart, taking in her sweet scent through her unclothed skin.

"Edward?" She murmured quietly as I kissed my way back up to the corner of her lips.

"Mmm?"

"I want you to make love to me tonight," she stated boldly. I could feel her blush under my lips as I detached them from her face before looking in her eyes.

"Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you… It just slipped out before…" I tried to explain my blatant request.

"Do you want to?" She asked me, keeping our eye contact strong.

"Yes," I admitted in a whisper. "But are you sure?"

"Yes," she nodded, her eyes tearing up slightly.

"Say it," I requested.

"I want you to make love to me," she whispered. As I kissed her face all over.

"Say it again."

"I want you to make love to me," she repeated.

Just as I had predicted before, it didn't take long for my body to prepare itself for another round. I helped Bella slowly lay back on my bed, her head resting among the pillows, as I hovered above her. I pressed my lips to the skin covering her heart and she ran her fingers through my hair. I leaned my ear on her chest and listened to her beating heart, taking a moment to make sure I was in complete control. I would not hurt Bella this way. I would _not_ hurt Bella this way. _I would not hurt Bella. Period._ I waited until I was sure I was ready before kissing my way back up to her lips. I positioned myself perfectly for our bodies to align.

"You have to tell me if I hurt you," I said earnestly. "No matter what."

"The first time would hurt no matter who it was with," she reminded me. "Even a human."

"I'll go slow. But if it hurts more than it should – tell me. I'll stop."

"Okay."

"Promise me again, Bella."

"I promise, Edward." We stared deep into each other's eyes as the tip of my penis began teasing her entrance. I inched in slowly, stopping when I felt her barrier.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Do it fast."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry."

"I love you," I told her, my voice dripping with emotion. "So much."

"I love you, too," she smiled and I wiped away an anxious tear. "Distract me?"

"I'm sorry," I apologized before kissing her deeply and entering her in one quick thrust. Her eyes squeezed shut and she didn't respond to my kiss, instead biting my lip in an attempt to ignore the pain. I used one hand to wipe her tears and rub her cheeks as I waited for her to say something. Moments later, she slowly unclenched her teeth from my unbreakable bottom lip.

"Are you okay?" I asked her quietly in her ear. "Do you want to stop?"

"No, I'm okay," she promised. "Just wait a second, please."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. The cold feels good," she said, her hand caressing my cheek. I waited patiently while my body begged to move inside her for another moment before she nodded her head and spoke. "Okay," was all she said. I slowly pulled back before thrusting back in as gently as I could. She felt so good wrapped around me that I had to make a conscious effort not to growl, afraid she might take it the wrong way.

"Are you still okay?" I asked her, kissing her face all over.

"Yes," she nodded, kissing my lips. "Better than okay. It's starting to feel good," she smiled.

"Good," I grinned back. I used one hand to tease her nipple while the other arm kept my body weight off her.

"Please let me feel you, Edward," she begged me. I complied carefully, letting our chests touch as I moved inside her, making sure that she wasn't actually holding any of my weight. After experimenting a bit and figuring out what she liked best, I adjusted my movement accordingly. Her panting became erratic. "Oh – right there, Edward," she moaned into my ear. I continued the pattern for a few minutes before reaching my hand between us and rubbing her with my thumb. This sent her over the edge. She bit my lip again – this time to keep her from crying out in pleasure, not pain – and gripped onto my back as her muscles clenched against me. I came soon after, calling out her name as I did.

When we were done, I pulled out of her slowly. I rolled over to the side bringing Bella with me.

"I knew you could do it," she grinned, kissing my chest.

"I'm glad you were right," I smiled back at her, noticing her eyes were beginning to close. "I missed you while I was gone, you know."

"You did?"

"Very much so. Speaking of which – I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" She looked confused.

"Have you forgotten so easily that you were angry with me?"

"Oh, right," she shook her head a smiled.

"I'm deeply sorry. I should have never asked Alice to hold you hostage while I was away. It was a bad idea; I won't do it again."

"Thank you," she nuzzled her nose into my neck. "I'm sorry, too."

"_You're_ apologizing to _me_?" I looked down at her.

"Yes. I'm not sorry for going to La Push, but I am sorry for making you worry. I don't mean to stress you out," she punctuated her apology with a soft kiss on my neck. "In any case – I don't think I'll be going back there any time soon." I wanted to ask her why, but a yawn erupted from her mouth before those words could escape.

"Sleep love. We'll talk in the morning," I kissed her forehead.

"I love you," she whispered, falling into a deep slumber.

"And I love you, my beautiful Bella." I watched her sleep with a deeper fascination, reveling at the sound of my name leaving her puffy lips. All night I held her, continually rearranging the blanket to ensure she was warm enough. When she finally awoke hours later, she looked up at me with a grin that reached her sparkling eyes.

"Good morning, my love," I kissed her nose softly.

"Was last night real?" She asked me, nuzzling into me.

"Yes it was."

"Good," she giggled – a sound not common for her this early in the morning – and kissed my chest sweetly. "Let's do it again."


End file.
